My Expressions

Everyone has a different parenting style. So, what’s your parenting style?

Parenting is an instinct, which becomes an ever-evolving process as children grow.

Just like growing is new to children, resulting in incomprehension of emotions; same is with the parents too. As parents, we too grow into a new stage of parenthood with each passing day; and how do we perceive our altering emotions, rules, methods and system of parenting, to an extent, depends on the way we ourselves were catered to as children.

Parenting Styles

Every parent-child duo is unique and no two parents or children are the same. Hence no particular parenting style can be considered to be the right one, nor is there any one-fit-in-all style. Nevertheless, there are a few parenting styles, which have been listed down by children psychologists and parenting experts. Each style has its pros and cons and few are more beneficial than others.

Here are the parenting styles. See which one is yours!

1. Authoritarian Parenting

In olden times, parenting was synonymous to be STRICT. The stricter the parents, the better parents they are – that was the usual norm of belief.

This is Authoritarian Parenting, where high expectations and standards are set for the child to fulfill. Obedience is the aim in such parenting methods. Non-adherence to rules may result in strict punishment. Thomas Phelan, author of 1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, Happy Parenting mention in the book that even for toddlers and preschoolers, authoritarian parents will insist on unrealistic cooperation regarding issues such as eating, toilet training, tantrums and bedtime.

Respect for everything around is a good value to teach, but definitely not at the cost of a child’s mental health. An overly rigid approach can put pressure on children to be perfect and might make them prone to internalizing behaviors like feeling withdrawn, lonely or afraid.

2. Authoritative Parenting

Striking the right balance between being firm and supportive is what Authoritative Parenting is all about. Such parents do not impose their rules on the children, just because they want it or they themselves were imposed with the same. Instead, rules, guidelines, systems etc are mutually discussed and decided as a family.

Children of such parents are aware of who is in charge and that they are answerable. But they also are at ease that their mistakes will be seen in the light of consideration. Such parents do not rush to conclusions on anything that involves their children; instead, they wisely study the reason behind it, listen to the child’s side of the story and are considerate.

Authoritative Parenting is considered a healthy practice. Studies show that children of such parents grow up to be friendly, goal-oriented, hardworking, curious, logical, empathetic and cooperative adults.

3. Attachment Parenting

We have seen parents who keep abundant physical closeness with the child. This is a behavioural pattern that is widely explained through Attachment Theory, first indicated by  British psychologist John Bowlby.

This theory proposed that attachment was merely the result of the feeding relationship between the child and the caregiver and because the caregiver feeds the child and provides nourishment, the child becomes attached. Bowlby further observed that attachment was characterized by clear behavioral and motivation patterns. When children are frightened, they will seek proximity from their primary caregiver in order to receive both comfort and care.

This kind of parenting is very necessary in the early years of a child’s growth, but as the child hits adolescence the parents must refrain from always being physically present to solve child’s problem, especially where the child can think of a solution on its own.

4. Permissive Parenting

All children wish to have parents whom they are never answerable to, who never say anything to them whatsoever. Such parents can be a fantasy for children, but definitely not beneficial.

Such parents are more friendly than needed and in the process of being a friend to their children they leave no mark as a role model, and thus children tend to have more than required freedom and are left unmonitored.

In 2019, a study in the United States showed that children of permissive parents are more likely to be the victims of bullies. Interestingly enough, the bullies tend to be the children of authoritarian parents.

Giving a balanced dose of freedom and responsibility carve out children who are strong-headed and can make their own decisions. But in the case of such a permissive home environment, though children become free thinkers and opinions; but never learn to discriminate between right and wrong.

5. Free-Range Parenting

Giving freedom but under parental guidance is Free-Range Parenting.

This method is also quite appreciable as authoritative parenting. Children of such parenting are responsible, can make their own decisions, are regulated, disciplined and careful.

6. Helicopter Parenting

Ah! This label is heard of in plenty nowadays. The parents who love to orchestrate the minute-to-minute events of their child’s life belong to this category.

Though the parents’ actions are genuinely out of love, an overdose of anything is harmful. Dictating a child’s every move may seem to be an act of care and concern; but it may lead to the child growing into an indecisive, anxious, fearful adult.

According to psychologists at Indiana University, kids who have helicopter parents are more likely to lack self-confidence and self-esteem and report higher levels of anxiety and depression as adults.

7. Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved parenting may not be a conscious decision many times; it may erupt out of unavoidable circumstances. Whatever may the reason be, the truth is that the children of uninvolved parenting often feel neglected, unloved and unseen.

Such parents feel indifferent towards the child, are indifferent towards the child’s physical and emotional needs beyond the basics, can act dismissively, lack responsiveness, are emotionally or physically absent from the child’s life; and worst of all, maybe physically abusive.

Needless to mention the mental health of children of such parents – oftentimes, it may go beyond repair.

Only parents can decide their parenting style!

Parenting is just not a word, it is a whole system that needs to be developed inch by inch by none other than the parents themselves, for the betterment of their children and own selves. We can keep trying to be a little better parent every day.

By
Tapobrati Das Samaddar,
Educationist. Trainer. Founder-Director, Wordloom Creative Ventures
Parenting Specialist

Do not miss earlier Tapo’s earlier article on Curious Times. What to do when your child is rude and aggressive?

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