Claws McGee and the Case of the Snagged Carpet

Woofington wasn’t so much a guard dog as a four-legged force of nature. If carpets could scream, the halls of Unseen University would have been a cacophony of terror.

Every fabric was a potential chew toy, every vase an obstacle to be knocked flying with a wagging tail. His idea of stealth was to charge headfirst, barking a warning that echoed throughout the musty library stacks.

Claws McGee, on the other hand… well, if Woofington was a thunderstorm, Claws was the fog that crept in afterward. He materialized from thin air, a symphony of sleek fur and sardonic wit.

His retractable claws weren’t just for climbing – picking locks, slicing through parchment, even snagging the occasional sardine from the distracted wizard’s lunch were all part of his repertoire.

A Symphony of Clumsiness

Their first encounter was unforgettable, and not in a good way. The Head Librarian, a formidable woman with eyebrows like disapproving caterpillars, had brought Claws in to investigate the vanishings. She’d barely finished explaining the situation when a deafening crash echoed from the Rare Books section.

Claws, in a move that would make a contortionist wince, had vanished beneath a mahogany desk.

Moments later, Woofington hurtled around the corner, tongue lolling, claws scrabbling for purchase on the polished floor. In a whirlwind of canine chaos, he slammed into the desk, which promptly toppled, burying Claws in a cloud of ancient dust.

As the detective emerged, hacking and spluttering, Woofington offered a sheepish grin and wagged his tail…right into an priceless porcelain vase.

The Case Takes a Turn

“For the love of all things furry,” Claws groaned, extracting a soggy book titled ‘101 Irritating Spells to Cast on Overly Enthusiastic Canines’, “Someone get that walking catastrophe a chew toy!”

But the universe, it seemed, had other plans. Woofington’s clumsiness was legendary, but so was his tenacity. During a fruitless night of stakeouts, Claws spotted the gargoyle thief scaling a shadowy archway.

Giving chase, his claws found purchase on the crumbling stone…until the gargoyle, startled, took flight.

Claws, dangling precariously, cursed his luck. This was it, splattered on the cobblestones like a bad detective novel. Then, a blur of brown fur erupted from below. Woofington, mistaking his yelp for a hunting cry, had launched himself upwards with a force that would make a troll blush.

The gargoyle, shrieked in surprise as its cloak snagged on a well-placed, non-retractable claw. Down it plummeted, loot scattering across the floor. Woofington, momentarily forgetting gravity existed, followed suit, landing in a canine heap on top of the startled thief.

An Unlikely Partnership

As the dust settled, the Head Librarian surveyed the scene: shredded scrolls, a thoroughly disgruntled gargoyle, and Woofington doing his ‘happy wiggle’ upon a pile of priceless artifacts.

Claws McGee strolled over, impeccably groomed despite the ordeal, and offered a sardonic tip of his fedora.

“Sometimes,” he drawled, “a bit of chaos is just what a case needs. Even if it comes attached to a dog-shaped wrecking ball.”

From then on, the tale of Claws McGee and Woofington was told throughout the Discworld. The detective with the silent tread and sharper claws, and his exuberant, ever-so-slightly disastrous canine counterpart.

Together, they were a force to be reckoned with…or at least, a force that left a very distinctive (and often destructive) mark upon any investigation.

And for those who want an even closer look at the science behind those amazing claws, check out this article on National Geographic Kids!

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Learn why cats have retractable claws and what purpose do they serve!

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